Learn Why Forgiving Someone Who Hurt You is Important
How to forgive when you are still angry and hurt
Do you go around feeling hurt and rejected? Do you struggle with anger and unforgiveness? How to handle hurt from someone in a relationship.
Does it seem like someone else has said or done something that hurts your feelings every time you turn around? Are you ready to call or email someone and tell them who broke you? Do you keep a list of rebukes you plan to share with that person as soon as you get that prime opportunity? When you lay down to try and sleep, are the events that hurt your feelings repeated in your mind? Is there someone you cannot get out of your head? Do you suddenly become angry when you see or think of a specific person?
If so, you’re not alone. I have struggled with that feeling. I know how that feels. There have been nights when I have tossed and turned, unable to sleep because I was so angry and bitter at what someone did or said. It’s miserable. It’s hard. It’s exhausting. It does damage to the soul, mind, and body. It seems so unfair as it goes on and on.
I recall going for long stretches where I would wait until someone made something right with me again. I’d hold back being friendly and sometimes refuse to speak with them. What a mess that is. I can’t recall many times when someone came back to me and apologized to make it right. It rarely happens. I'm in big trouble if my well-being hinges on someone apologizing and making something right again. I thank God that this is not the case. There is hope for all of us who suffer this way.
It was the strangest thing. A few years ago, I was all bent out of shape worrying over several personal situations when my urge to feel vindicated suddenly drove me to read God’s Word. I wanted to take God’s Word and find passages that proved my right and someone else's wrong. Sad, isn’t it? Though sad as my intentions were, I’m glad I read God’s Word. God knew me and knew how to use that situation to teach me what the cure for feeling hurt really is. Please pay attention to whether what I went through sounds familiar to you. Here is what I learned.
Love Soothes Hurt Feelings
"And above all things have fervent love to yourselves, for love will cover many sins. Be hospitable to one another, without grudging; each one as he received a gift, ministering it to yourselves as good stewards of the manifold grace of God." (1st Peter 4:8-10 MKJV)
"And most of all be warm in your love for one another; because in love there is forgiveness for sins without number. Keep open house for all with a glad heart; distribute among one another whatever has been given to you, like true servants of the unmeasured grace of God." (1st Peter 4:8-10 Bible In Basic English).
"If we have sown spiritual seed among you, is it too much if we reap material benefits from you? If others enjoy this right over you, don't we have a stronger claim? But we did not use this right. On the contrary, we put up with everything in order not to put an obstacle in the way of the gospel of Christ." (1st Corinthians 9:11-12 ISV)
I have yet to meet a person who did not ever sin or whom I did not disagree with on something. If I have a relationship with any person, it’s practically guaranteed that they will eventually do or say something to which I could take offense. It happens. It will always happen. Realistically, we should expect it to happen and be prepared to deal with it in a way that will heal and cure us of those offended feelings.
God’s Word tells us to love one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins/offenses. If we do our part and are willing to put up with them, whatever they do or say to us will be covered over by OUR love for those who hurt our feelings.
How to forgive someone who hurt you in a relationship
" False balances are hateful to Jehovah; but a just weight is His delight. Pride comes, then shame comes; but with the lowly is wisdom." (Proverbs 11:1-2 MKJV)
"He who handles a matter wisely shall find good, and whoever trusts in Jehovah, happy is he." (Proverbs 16:20 MKJV)
"Before shattering, the heart of man is proud, and before honor is humility." (Proverbs 18:12 MKJV)
"Likewise, younger ones, be subject to older ones, and all being subject to one another. Put on humility. For God resists proud ones, but He gives grace to the humble. Therefore be humbled under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your anxiety onto Him, for He cares for you. Be sensible and vigilant, because your adversary the Devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking someone he may devour; whom firmly resist in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions in the world are being completed in your brotherhood." (1st Peter 5:5-9 MKJV)
According to Proverbs 18:12, broken hearts are caused by pride. Not by the pride of the person who hurt us but rather by our personal pride. So, if you’re complaining that someone broke your heart, you may want to consider humbling yourself! Sure, humble people get hurt a lot, but they do not continue suffering from brokenness like prideful people.
According to 1st Peter 5:5, we are each subject to other persons. Where I work, I am subject to what my boss tells me to do. So long as his orders are not immoral, illegal, or might cause harm to the company, I have to obey. It’s the same thing where I go to church. The pastor has authority over me there, too. As her husband, my wife is subject to me. The purpose of humility is just. Just as Jesus washed the feet of the disciples, we, too, must serve one another.
This is Biblical, so it must be taken seriously and applied rightly. Christ-like submission pleases the Lord. We should stop behaving so proudly and learn to submit to the authorities God has placed above us. If someone tells you they only have to answer to God for what they do and say, observe them closely. If it isn't broken already, you’re about to see someone’s heart get shattered.
A Right Relationship with Jesus Makes All Things Right
"Then Jesus came to Nazareth, where he had been raised. As was his custom, he went into the synagogue on the Sabbath day. When he stood up to read, the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling the scroll, he found where it was written, "The Spirit of the Lord is on me because he has anointed me to tell the good news to the poor. He has sent me to announce release to the prisoners and recovery of sight to the blind, to set oppressed people free, and to announce the year of the Lord's favor." Then he rolled up the scroll, returned it to the attendant, and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fixed on him. Then he told them, "Today, this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing." (Luke 4:16-21 ISV)
Praise the Lord, O my soul; let not all his blessings go from your memory. He has forgiveness for all your sins; he takes away all your diseases; He keeps back your life from destruction, crowning you with mercy and grace. He makes your mouth full of good things so that your strength is made new again like the eagle's. The Lord gives decisions in righteousness for all who are in trouble. He gave knowledge of his way to Moses and made his acts clear to the children of Israel. The Lord is kind and full of pity, not quickly made angry, but ever ready to have mercy. (Psalm 103:2-8 Bible In Basic English).
"For if you forgive people their offenses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if you do not forgive people their offenses, your Father will not forgive your offenses." (Matthew 6:14-15 ISV)
Going back to my own personal situation, as I mentioned earlier, my search for God’s Word to prove myself right ended up exposing how wrong I really was. Don’t you just love it when God allows that to happen? What I learned was that my hurt feelings were allowed to stay and harass me simply because I unknowingly had allowed them to replace Jesus on the throne of my heart.
At that time, my mind was not on Jesus. My thoughts were selfish. I focused on all of my hurt feelings. I had allowed my hurt feelings and thoughts of retaliation to take prominence over my thoughts of Christ and my service to Him. Oh, wonder I suffered so much! Jesus could not access and heal me of these things because my wicked desires had brushed Him aside. Eventually, I began to see this and came under the conviction of the Holy Spirit regarding MY sins that I had committed against Him.
One reason I felt so miserable was because unforgiven sins cause us to be unfortunate persons. I had overlooked this! I learned that God does not bless unforgiven persons with peace of mind. God would be cruel to bless me when I had unforgiven sin in my life. In other words, I could have remained fat, dumb, happy, and lost had not God cursed sin. God loves me. God loves you, too. God wants us to have eternal life with Him. God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins. By His stripes, we are genuinely healed of our hurt feelings. The catch, though, is that we, too, must be willing to extend this forgiveness we receive to other persons. We MUST forgive, or else there will be no forgiveness for us.
Once I realized that I was bringing most of this on top of my own head, I began focusing on the example Jesus gave us. I started trying to forgive people as He does. By the time I had figured all of this out, it was hard for me to do. It is hard but not impossible since, with Christ, all things are made possible. I began working through practical steps of faith that expressed my desire to forgive. I trusted the Lord and took Him at His Word. The Lord honored this. He always honors this when our hearts are humbled before Him. It was not immediate, but not very long before I noticed I had no more hurt feelings regarding things past.
The story doesn’t end there simply because life and relationships continue. Dealing with people means that I will get my feelings hurt. So, this process of humbling myself and forgiving persons will never end until Jesus causes all evil to end. One day, Jesus will cause all evil to end. Until that day, we must hold fast to our faith in Christ and obey Him. We must make choices nearly every day to forgive or not. A right relationship with Jesus demands we be forgiving persons. A right relationship with Jesus liberates us from our hurt feelings!
When there is unforgiveness, sometimes a spirit of fear enters a person, causing anxiety, stress, worry, etc.
Jesus loves you and wants to take your social and/or generalized anxiety from you so that you can live an abundant and whole life in Christ Jesus, reaching your desired goals either in life or your career. I want to see as many as possible receive freedom, peace, and confidence in what God created you to become with purpose.
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